Patience, Help Me Out.

Last little bit left at work tonight and I miss you so much.

I wonder if anyone thinks I'm crazy for the amount that I come here to say that I miss you. I know that if I don't get it out here I'll go nuts. I wish I just had you with me. Why are we like this again? I hope you'll explain it to me in time.

People keep telling me that I have to have patience. Unfortunately I don't really understand why I need to be patient. Why can't we be together through this? What is going on?

Maybe because I'm stressed I want to be near you a bit more. Last night while at the movie all of the couples upset me. How rare it is that I go to the out and am not bothered by happy couples and how often it is that I find myself without that happiness. We will be happy together again wont we? I hope so.

I don't care about my finals or about school at this point. I just want it all over with so I can see you. However, I don't even know if that is the end point for you. Maybe you intend to stay away longer.

Why are you gone?

Just A Little While Longer

So I completely broke down and text him the other day.

I was sitting in my second class, which is when his first starts, and just wrote on a piece of paper the words "Hey hun :)". The caption then said something like: I just wanted to say a quick hello. Thinking of you, which shouldn't be a surprise lol Anyway, I hope your last week of classes goes well.

So being my lovely self I wanted to just feel satisfied with that but no I found myself wanting a response. The hoping got to me while I waited through my next classes. Finally I'm in my last class, Stats recitation, and I just looked down at my lap seeing my screen light up with his name. OMG what joy that brought. I feel rather ridiculous actually but I was so happy. I actually looked over at the girl next to me and smiled so big. She just looked back like "Oooookkkkaaayyy?" lol His text said: You're so sweet Aubree :)

So from the outside that is quite a simple text but for me it meant everything. Prior to receiving this text I was sitting on a chair in the hall thinking that I really just don't deserve someone nice and caring, that I am blind and didn't see the true him, and that in his attempt to be nice he is lying about all of this and waiting till after the semester to leave me.

I hate that I can feel this way. Its difficult not to when there have been a number of times when someone did something equally cruel. I feel that I doubt myself worth entirely :( I really like him and want to trust him. I don't want past assholes messing this up.

To tell you the rest I ended up texting him back saying: Sometimes :) I'm glad you think so. Shortly after he said: I've been missing you. My heart jumped! It made me so happy I can't even explain myself!! My response was pretty much that and he said: I hope you've been well. I'm looking forward to seeing you.

This gives me something to continue off of till I can see him again. Now I'm less concerned about his birthday gift that will expire. They're Cubs tickets for the 5/17 game and I've never been. I really want to go and start off the summer well.

I really want to talk to him and us to come to an understanding that this is not something I will continue to be okay with. Life gets hard, but when you bring someone into your life you're bringing them into it all. With me, I expect and am prepared to be there for the good and bad. Anyway I'm voicing my argument to my blog when really I guess I will need to speak to him about this.

I just want him to know that I want to be a part of his life, all of it. Once he knows that if he continues to need time where we don't speak and don't see each other for months then I will have to leave.

I don't think its selfish to want something more than that.