Greatest Lover in the World

Steph got me to watch Don Juan DeMarco tonight. 

Typically I'm really really really bad with watching new movies (unless with a date for some reason). We had been struggling to find anything to watch and that movie just happened to be on HBO so we just kept up with it and...I loved it.

Greatest lover in the world. Well! It was just another silly movie but it bummed me out.

I tested the waters with Wayne again and, not surprisingly, there was no response. 

I swear, I am trying my hardest just to let this go. Like people say "It was just one date." I guess it was more to me...or at least I wanted more. I felt a little bit more. Especially when I was with him. I'm not that delusional that I made up the idea that he had a good time. I'm just so hurt that I am soooo easily forgotten. 

How do I accept that? I'm something easy to let go, something easy to forget about. How does one swallow that fact?

Why Not Me?

Once again here I am. Why is it the only time I ever want to write here is when my heart feels like it is shattering into a million little pieces?

Saturday the 15th I had a really lovely date with this man named Wayne. We spent nearly 12 hours together! Drinks, puppies, dinner, chats, music, darts,...kisses. It really was lovely. However the very next day things changed.

He stopped texting as much, stopped attempting phone calls to me. He has yet to ask me to see him again. The clear sign says that he's not interested. But there is a side of me that can't honestly imagine how he isn't after that date. 

I guess I am a fool for love. I know not one thing about it. I suck at it apparently. All I know is each man that comes into my life, even for such a brief moment, I find myself attached to him. I am hopeful and dreaming of the moment when I wont have to let go. 

But far too often I have to let go. 

I'm 26 and I realize that is young for these days but there is a part of me that worries I will never find him. Maybe I'm not meant to find the one. 

There is an emptiness in my life, in my heart. I know what that void is from and I cant seem to fill it. Each time I put myself out there in the hopes that I will fill it I come back more bruised. I can't see the worth in trying again but continually I do. Masochist?