Why Not Me?

Once again here I am. Why is it the only time I ever want to write here is when my heart feels like it is shattering into a million little pieces?

Saturday the 15th I had a really lovely date with this man named Wayne. We spent nearly 12 hours together! Drinks, puppies, dinner, chats, music, darts,...kisses. It really was lovely. However the very next day things changed.

He stopped texting as much, stopped attempting phone calls to me. He has yet to ask me to see him again. The clear sign says that he's not interested. But there is a side of me that can't honestly imagine how he isn't after that date. 

I guess I am a fool for love. I know not one thing about it. I suck at it apparently. All I know is each man that comes into my life, even for such a brief moment, I find myself attached to him. I am hopeful and dreaming of the moment when I wont have to let go. 

But far too often I have to let go. 

I'm 26 and I realize that is young for these days but there is a part of me that worries I will never find him. Maybe I'm not meant to find the one. 

There is an emptiness in my life, in my heart. I know what that void is from and I cant seem to fill it. Each time I put myself out there in the hopes that I will fill it I come back more bruised. I can't see the worth in trying again but continually I do. Masochist?

Defeat

In the soothing orange light of the setting sun
She sits there waiting on its disappearance
Her body melts into the creaking swing
While her feet play into the delicate grass
Her heart is heavy in her chest
Like the truth of a hidden lie
She eases deeper into the swing
Accepting the burden scorching inside
She believes this is the last day of its kind
Days to come will flow with less magic and happiness
She stares at the sun deeply, wondering if when it returns
Will it have changed like everything else
No longer will she be a bright persuasion
The disbelievers have stolen her light
The battle was agonizing
And in the world where good never wins over evil
She was defeated
The sun suffocates beneath the horizon
While her heart beats to never cease
In the cool darkness of the night
Tears begin to fall unseen
But no one will care