I have to admit I have not been on here very often. Mainly because my heart hurt. The last guy that I was gushing over, Jim...he is gone. After getting together at that party we talked a little while longer. However, we never saw each other again.
Figures.
I took a little bit of a break. I was open to the idea of meeting people, but again in no rush. Classes started. I was juggling my job and school mixed with life. Tons of fun to be exact. Then one day I received a message from this guy on the dating site I was on. Apparently the site suggested that we would be good for each other. He took a chance and messaged me. I liked him :) So for a while we messaged back and forth. Eventually we moved to chatting and texting on the phones.
Long story short...
We met October 10th after I got off work. The connection was there. We were both still attracted to each other in person. It was so nice. Needless to say I was very excited.
I'm not going to go into all the details at this moment of what our weekends together were like. Lets just say that first night together there was an amazing connection. A desire to be together. Mid-sentence he kissed me. I was dizzy.
Normally I wouldn't go for jumping into a committed relationship without knowing each other a little longer. However, that night he asked me to be his. It was exactly what I wanted. My heart was happy, and it was obvious because every time he kissed me unintentionally I made sighing noises. I could not help myself.
I'm cursed remember? I was terrified that by the end of the month he would disappear. He knew of my past relationships. He was confident enough to not fear that the end of the month would end our relationship. He even joked with me saying yes he would tell me what the reason was for people leaving if it ever go to that. However, I don't honestly think he imagined us ending.
I was surprised when it happened Saturday.
I still cant tell you exactly what happened. Unfortunately, we were only able to see each other on the weekends with school and work. The previous weekend he went back home to see his family and the whole time we text each other. It was obvious that we missed the other and wished the weekend had worked out differently. The cute texts of missing each other and excitement to see each other the next weekend continued. Then Saturday came and he just didn't show up, didn't text, didn't answer my calls.
It wasn't until late that evening when I was sitting at my best friends house that I finally got a text saying he doesn't know what to say except for that we should break up. There was little more conversation there, but nothing that made me feel I knew what happened. He did say that what he felt at the beginning was not there anymore.
I'm angry at the two weeks apart that left me so suddenly alone and without him.
I slept four hours the entire weekend. As the week came I was terrified to go on with the day. I had to relearn everything without the comfort of Matthew. Yesterday I sat on campus waiting for my classes hidden in corners hiding my tears from the strangers passing by.
I don't care that he left me. I don't care to know the exact reason why. I just want him to come and give me another chance. I keep wishing for him to think about me. If he misses me just a second maybe we could have a second shot. My mind is foolish. I think back to the 'trend' of my past failed one month relationships. Those guys would come back after a week or two feeling they made a mistake. I want Matthew to do that. A bigger part of me thinks he isn't the immature fool all the other guys were.
What will happen?
Yesterday Matthew and I continued to text back and forth about normal things happening throughout the day. My job, his registration, things going on with the best friend, and more. The conversation was like two friends talking I suppose. I think I went to bed hoping it would happen again. Eventually leading to him coming back. I just miss him.
I suppose the good news is my heart isn't aching as bad today. I can actually breathe. Thank you Matthew for talking to me yesterday. It doesn't hurt as much.
Figures.
I took a little bit of a break. I was open to the idea of meeting people, but again in no rush. Classes started. I was juggling my job and school mixed with life. Tons of fun to be exact. Then one day I received a message from this guy on the dating site I was on. Apparently the site suggested that we would be good for each other. He took a chance and messaged me. I liked him :) So for a while we messaged back and forth. Eventually we moved to chatting and texting on the phones.
Long story short...
We met October 10th after I got off work. The connection was there. We were both still attracted to each other in person. It was so nice. Needless to say I was very excited.
I'm not going to go into all the details at this moment of what our weekends together were like. Lets just say that first night together there was an amazing connection. A desire to be together. Mid-sentence he kissed me. I was dizzy.
Normally I wouldn't go for jumping into a committed relationship without knowing each other a little longer. However, that night he asked me to be his. It was exactly what I wanted. My heart was happy, and it was obvious because every time he kissed me unintentionally I made sighing noises. I could not help myself.
I'm cursed remember? I was terrified that by the end of the month he would disappear. He knew of my past relationships. He was confident enough to not fear that the end of the month would end our relationship. He even joked with me saying yes he would tell me what the reason was for people leaving if it ever go to that. However, I don't honestly think he imagined us ending.
I was surprised when it happened Saturday.
I still cant tell you exactly what happened. Unfortunately, we were only able to see each other on the weekends with school and work. The previous weekend he went back home to see his family and the whole time we text each other. It was obvious that we missed the other and wished the weekend had worked out differently. The cute texts of missing each other and excitement to see each other the next weekend continued. Then Saturday came and he just didn't show up, didn't text, didn't answer my calls.
It wasn't until late that evening when I was sitting at my best friends house that I finally got a text saying he doesn't know what to say except for that we should break up. There was little more conversation there, but nothing that made me feel I knew what happened. He did say that what he felt at the beginning was not there anymore.
I'm angry at the two weeks apart that left me so suddenly alone and without him.
I slept four hours the entire weekend. As the week came I was terrified to go on with the day. I had to relearn everything without the comfort of Matthew. Yesterday I sat on campus waiting for my classes hidden in corners hiding my tears from the strangers passing by.
I don't care that he left me. I don't care to know the exact reason why. I just want him to come and give me another chance. I keep wishing for him to think about me. If he misses me just a second maybe we could have a second shot. My mind is foolish. I think back to the 'trend' of my past failed one month relationships. Those guys would come back after a week or two feeling they made a mistake. I want Matthew to do that. A bigger part of me thinks he isn't the immature fool all the other guys were.
What will happen?
Yesterday Matthew and I continued to text back and forth about normal things happening throughout the day. My job, his registration, things going on with the best friend, and more. The conversation was like two friends talking I suppose. I think I went to bed hoping it would happen again. Eventually leading to him coming back. I just miss him.
I suppose the good news is my heart isn't aching as bad today. I can actually breathe. Thank you Matthew for talking to me yesterday. It doesn't hurt as much.
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