Waking Up with the Past

Oh boy. Hanging out on this page last night right before bed seriously played with my mind. 

I ended up having a dream about a man I dated almost three years ago, Mike. Typically I don't remember my dreams unless they're frightening ones. This one was very much in my mind the moment I woke up and seems to have stuck with me throughout the day.

Basically, in the dream we were discussing getting back together. It seemed like it was present day and that he had approached me with this want to try again. Naturally in dreams things kept coming up which kept us from reaching a final decision but I definitely recall in the dream knowing my answer was yes. 

It felt really good to be near him...To see him again. So of course when I woke up I had that somewhat happy feeling and when I realized it was just a dream that happiness was replaced with the empty feeling. 

I don't think of Mike often. Actually he rarely crosses my mind and when he does I find myself smiling. He definitely hurt me when he left but for some unknown reason when he does cross my mind the memories make me happy instead of bringing the typical angry/upset feelings we mostly experience when thinking of an ex. 

I have wondered what that meant before and I guess for me it means that he meant a lot to me. I apparently was happy and although things did not work out in the best way those memories still hold the happier feelings and I am glad to have had the chance to experience them. 

I missed him today though. That's not good. I know it was just because of the dream...and probably because of my current heartache situation. I suppose I'm here writing about it to get it out and not hold it inside. 

I can't help but wonder if I'll always carry that "what if" when it comes to Mike. I'm gonna say no. Just as soon as the one for me comes along that will fade and he will have been just a great chapter in my life. 

In regards to the man from my date on the 15th..I only heard from him once yesterday. That was mostly a reply to something randomly I had stated. I waited to see if he's say anything to me today. There was nothing. 

Tonight I go to bed alone knowing that the moment I open my eyes tomorrow I'll reach for my phone, hoping to see something from him. It's reality though. There wont be a message from him. When that settles in the ache in my chest will become apparent and I'll have to start on with my day.