First Dates and First Kisses

I find it funny that just the other day I was whining in my post about boys and relationships and love. Yada yada. Its especially funny when I got invited to go out yesterday and had an amazing time. A couple months ago I started talking to Jim online. We emailed back and forth and it went no where. I kinda took it as he wasn't interested. That we were just emailing to kill time or something. Then out of the blue I get an email from him again apologizing for not having email me in a while. He seemed more cheery and it was pleasant. With the bad that has been going on receiving an email asking me if I would like to get together some time was perfect. What I found most shocking was before I could respond or even think about it he text me saying 'Do me a favor and let me pay for everything.' He wanted to treat me. ::smile:: The plan was that he would come pick me up and we would drive back out by him (which is over 40 miles away :/). We'd go out to dinner and since I'm more for plain old American food it was decided that we were going to Applebee's. After that...the drive in! :) To see Up and Land of the Lost. So since it was our first time meeting I was so nervous and this long drive gave us a lot of time to chat. It was a little difficult at first but we soon got comfortable with each other. It was a lovely scenic drive through parts of Illinois that I'd never been. I loved it. Reminder: Visit Castle Rock Park sometime. When we got into town we stopped off at his apartment to grab a few things. I met his cute little cat. Her name was...Kit Cat :) She was adorable! After we headed to dinner. It was a nice time, good food. We finished just in time for the movie. We headed over to the drive in. I was so excited. Going to the drive in was something we used to do in my family when we were younger. Jim had never been to the drive in. An experience! :) Without dragging out all the details we sat through Up which was adorable. Towards the end he put his arm around me and we cuddled in the back seat to the movie. We decided that we were going to stay for Land of the Lost. I enjoyed the movie a bit lol After it was over and people started leaving I looked at him and he leaned in and kissed me... Wonderful! There was perfect chemistry between us. The kiss was amazing. No awkwardness at all lol We decided to hang out a little bit longer at his place so we got ready to leave. As soon as he turned on the car he caught me off guard by sliding his hand behind my neck and pulling me in for a quick kiss. I had butterflies in my stomach! We went to his place and watched a movie for a bit. Of course there was more kissing involved. It was an amazing night. It was time to go at that point. It was really late and he needed to be at work at 8am. When we walked outside it was raining. Right before we got to his car I pulled his arm and turned him towards me. We kissed in the rain :) Such a memory. The drive home was long but I was in blissful state. I kissed him goodnight and went inside to sleep. I cant wait to see him again. Normally someone who lives about an hour away from me I wouldn't try to have anything with. I'd much rather we live closer and have more of an opportunity to see each other. My major flaw is getting attached too easily. I'm already excited about seeing him again... I should not get attached to someone I just met. ::sigh::

The Path To Love

My younger sister was talking about her best friend today. They're both 19 and just starting to experience what growing up is like. My sisters best friend is in her first real relationship. They both are smart girls. So much smarter towards guys and relationships than me and my friends were at their age, or any age.

Marina is taking it slow and being smart about things. I'm proud of her. So when my sister told me that Marinas boyfriend said that he loved her along with a few other stories my heart grew a bit heavy and I pushed the smile on my face.

Of course I'm happy for Marina. My problem was still thinking why not me. When is it my turn?...

I have been in love once. I was young when I met him. 14 to be exact. We spent all they way up until I was 17 as very close friends. From 17 till a little after my 20th birthday we were in a serious relationship. I actually moved from Illinois to Ohio to be near him. Biggest mistake of my life...If anyone out there is contemplating the thought I say no. Don't do it. It may be different for couples who are older and have more life experience, but I was so young and immature. It was such a mistake.

I've been living back home for a little over a year now and he and I have been separated since December 2007.

I did not feel ready to start dating till October 2008. At that point I finally started putting myself out there. I felt good about it too. My child-like heart honestly never thought I'd be able to get over my first love. I believed our love would conquer anything. So when I finally reached the point where I wanted to meet new people I was thrilled. It had been years since I took the chances.

How do you think it worked out? Fail...lol

The first guy was a friend from my circle that I was comfortable with. That was an odd choice. The next one, James...boy did I like him. When I wasn't really looking he messaged me on myspace just out looking for new people. We chatted for a bit through texts and the phone and then finally got together. It was a simple night of dinner and a couple movies on the sofa that ended with the most wonderful kiss.

Remember..I had been in one relationship prior to this. My first real kiss was with my first boyfriend and from that first kiss until I started dating James I hasn't had much kissing experience with anyone else before. I loved James kisses. He has this amazing way of just lightly touching my face before, during, and after a kiss that makes me go dizzy and weak. I kept telling myself to move slow and be smart. I had been out of my past relationship for a while but I didn't want to be all silly and just fall for whatever came next. I thought I was doing good too. I kinda opened up to the relationship and let the guard down a bit. I remember telling my mbff- male best friend forever- that I was really happy and could fall for James. Makie of course told me to put those feelings away for a little bit. He was definitely smarter than I was.

James and I were together officially a month when he ended it. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship and before I knew it I was completely hurt and heart broken. After all my efforts to not be so attached. We hung out a little longer after that. We still talk and have hung out once, but I suppose it's really over.

The next guy after that did everything a man could to reel me in. He met me at the wrong time, just as I was getting over James. But he played it off as such a good guy being there for me. Really caring about how I felt. After I had time to heal and wanted to see where things would go it was only a short while before he threw out 'I'm not really looking for anything serious. I really like you and really trust you and would like to have a friends with benefits thing.' This was after this guy did everything to tell me that I'm not the marrying type, which is pretty much a main goal of mine, and that mainly I was trashy and made poor decisions. That came from me having a tattoo and he feels anyone who has one can be described like that. My tattoo by the way is a less than inch tattoo behind my ear that says bff...I'm way trashy and make poor decisions...yup. Boy people do change.

That all ended at the end of March. I'm a fairly single girl now. I'm out there trying to meet people. Am I trying too hard? I meet guy after guy and it goes no where. Great chemistry and good times. Stops short of anything serious.

I'm not asking for anyone to marry me. But I'm not the one for casual and I cant wrap my mind around why I'm not one of the lucky ones. Gosh you don't know how many times I've heard things about how great and wonderful I am. About how I am any guys dreams. I don't believe those things anymore. If I was so special wouldn't there be a guy who actually wanted something with me.

I probably sound like a depressed and on a rush female but I 'm really not. We all would like love, caring, and affection. I'm not wrong there. I'm just sick of seeing people who could care less about such serious things, people who get 'bored' in relationships finding people who really like them. All the while I just stare on in confusion.

At 14 I had a love I thought would last forever. I never feared that I would feel heart break or loneliness. Over a year and a half now I have been alone trying to patiently wait for my time.

I have so much to give.

For Firsts

Welcome...

My name is Aubree. I'm your average girl. I've always had a myspace or a livejournal. I even have a facebook and I do occasionally use the blog or note spot on there but lately I've been feeling uncomfortable announcing my thoughts. Either my friends read and write nothing keeping their possible scrutinizing thoughts to themselves or I get crap about what I've written. Jokingly of course. But maybe that wasn't the reaction I was looking for. Its not that I have bad friends. I just wanted some different blog spot to write on. So here I am.

The thought came to mind that anyone who wants to contact me I suppose feel free. I like meeting new people. And since its more than likely anyone coming across my page isn't someone I've known for years I'd be intrigued in hearing what they had to say.

I'm actually going to cut this off right here for now. I have plenty of things running through my mind right now but I don't exactly feel like gushing at the moment...lol

I'll be back.