Emotions or Logic

Why have I all of a sudden felt the need to write something? I don't know.

I just finished a Skype call with this guy, Landon. I hesitate to say "great guy" because I haven't met him yet...although my initial thought was "great guy Landon".

Over the past four months I've put myself out there trying to meet people. There had been three different men. All starting out quite great and ending terribly after a date or two. In short, all of them ended without much explanation, leaving me feeling more and more cracked. 

I put myself back out there because I hold hope. Then I connect with this guy, Landon, It's been a couple of weeks where we've been exchanging emails. Just recently we exchanged numbers, texts, had a phone call, and Skyped. 

I find myself smiling at all of his texts. The Skype conversation we just had...I had quite a big smile the entire time. This is good right?

There is this hopeless romantic side of me that wants to be hopeful and then there's the other side of me that's cracked and worries. I'm already enjoying our conversations to the point where I'll miss them, in a sense, if they go away. I really don't want to go back down that path. I, as ashamed as I am to admit it, so desperately want to connect with someone on a deeper level. One that continues over a period of time, developing more and more.

I want to love someone and I want to be loved. I want that comfort and security. I've been dealing with so much doubt, questioning these men and what they really feel for me if they leave so quickly. I just want to be comfortable and know that the person I'm with, the person I care about, cares for me.

The question is where to go? I like this guy and feel and urge to pull back a little so that I don't get hurt but I can't continue with life that way. I feel too much and end up being more susceptible to pain.

Landon and I connect on a funny level. We share the exact same birthday. Year, day, and month. After that we found more and more little things in common. Of course its fun to play around with this and probably in no way means much of anything. I'm finding with Skyping that I really want to meet him. I want to see if the enjoyment I feel, and the fun he appears to also be having, could happen in person. But there's complications. There's always so many complications. 

I can tell that he's more logical when the times for it and I am leading with my emotions. 

I like him and I'm worried. 

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